Dear Readers -
I did not write the following tongue in cheek piece.
I wish I had.
"I think we should forget Latin! You know what? You're all wrong, every last one: you [drg], Mr. Francese, and anyone who holds Latin with any smidgen of worth. Emma Willard had the right idea. Drop Latin! Let's write all the diplomas in Chinese instead. (that seems to be the fad language everyone's flocking to these days) In a few years, English will be practically archaic! Why not get ahead of the curve? And besides, Latin is so illegible; Chinese is much clearer!
Speaking of illegible, these days, when one can photoshop a diploma and print it out in the same amount of time as it takes to TiVo "Desperate Housewives," it doesn't matter what you say or in which language you say it, because with the click of a mouse, you can make it seem important. Arial Narrow might make it easy to read, but one of these loopy ones might have more of an effect on whoever happens to be looking at it. The less work, the better, right? Latin text would be too much work, and like I said, Chinese is the language of the future. Now, if I only spoke Chinese... oh well, I’ll just use Rosetta Stone and my handy, reliable online translator.
Annno. Honestly! Who proofread the thing? Did anyone, or was it a nearsighted person (in a half drunk stupor) rushing to get them off to the printer? And I hate to burst the bubble, but if they get the same person to type them up, it won't matter in what language it's written. Most people with a first year knowledge of Latin could spot that. Does any word have three of the same consonants in a row? i thinnnk not. Chinese is harder to mess up! Those characters all look so different and are formed in such a different way from each other!
You should write that "an encyclopedia for every child" part down. I think you have a real winner there. Send it to the president; then diplomas won't need to be written in any language because teachers would be obsolete, and the woman who had her diploma returned wouldn't have a job for which to apply. Just teach them some Chinese and maybe how to make change for a dollar, and they can go off, read the encyclopedia, and get their job at the fast food restaurant of their choice. Problem solved!
A diploma isn't supposed to be an elegy. It's not an epic poem. It's not a Shakespearean sonnet. Heck, it's not even supposed to be eloquent prose. It's a diploma. So, with that logical progression of thoughts, I think..... Chinese."