Via Facilis

I read the New York Times these days.
It's a trashy paper.
I should probably read the Wall Street Journal.
Or the Daily News.
Or the Post.

But let's face it: The Times has the best crosswords.

Still, it is with considerable angst, disgust, anger, rancor, annoyance (not to mention a bile-in- the-throat, queasy, sickening feeling) that I read the op-ed piece by Christopher Francese, associate professor of classical studies at Dickinson College.

He wants to get rid of diplomas written in Latin.
He thinnnks that the Latin used therein is full of "maddening syntax and appalling neologisms."
(Ovid, Catullus, Cicero, et al. - not to mention the Bard, i.e., our friend Shakespeare - all better run for it - they're well known for their neologisms - which, by the way, is the creation of a new word - and one of the reasons English is so flexible).

I'm not sure that English legalese on a diploma is preferable, by the way. The syntax there is stunted as well. At least Latinists have a sense of the power of syntax - unlike their English counterparts, who seem to think that grammar and syntax have nothing to do with anything when it comes to excellent writing. Latinists at least have a prayer of understanding the English of their diplomas.

I have a lot of problems with this piece.

Problem #1:
While I can commiserate with the author about his Latin faux pas ( - "annno" instead of "anno" written on the diplomas at Dickinson one year - wait a second, "faux pas" is French. Can I use French instead of English? It's possible nobody will understand it, but I think I'll use it anyway. It gets the point across, and is better than "my bad"), his real error occurred not in making the mistake.

That happens.

The real error was his failure to pass the piece by colleagues and students.

Another set of eyes or three always helps.

Especially in Latin.

(Obviously, as one of the guy's own students identified the error.)
Especially when we take so much pride in our work.
Pride, it's always good to remember, goeth before a Fall.
Thank you, Proverbs.
I know, I could have used "hubris", more in keeping with the Classics theme of the piece.
But I didn't want anybody to miss what I was saying (not that anybody would).
So I'll use Pride instead.

Problem #2:

"When one Dickinson College alumna recently applied to work at a public school, she had a photocopied version of her Latin diploma returned as foreign and illegible."

News flash.
Latin IS a foreign language.

As for "illegible", heck, that has to do with font, not choice of language.

But that's incidental.
The problem here is not that the diploma was written in Latin.

The problem is that the folks in a public school didn't recognize it as such.

Didn't realize what that meant.

Didn't get the import of the Latin.

That is a more egregious error than that they couldn't read it.
It speaks to a shallowness of understanding and learning in this country at the most basic level.
And that's what's troubling.
Not that the diploma was returned as "foreign and illegible."

Problem #3: Two different "goals/purposes" of education.

"The goal of education is the creation and transmission of thought."
"[The] purpose [of education] is the development of the mind and social usefulness through the clear communication of information and ideas."

Well, which is it, mon frere (damn, there's that French again.)?

I find the first quotation representative of an absurd oversimplification.
First of all, think twice before you use the word "goal".
It is not a service industry with "products".
Indeed, real learning occurs when our students realize that education is more of a road than a pitstop.

To continue: If the goal of education is to merely create and transmit thought, heck, just buy every kid an encyclopedia, and have him read it.

The second quotation, meanwhile, highlights a preferable precept, at least in terms of the "development of the mind".
I would instead speak of it in terms of "harnessing" the mind, having students tap into their own powers. But I accept what the prof here has to say.
To a point.

As for "social usefulness".
Hello, 1984.
George Orwell, where are you?
I mean really,
What is it?
Who decides what is "socially useful"?
Society thinks a lot of things are "useful" which in fact are questionable, at best.
Society teaches that professional athletes are more valuable than good teachers.
Society teaches that if you keep telling people a lie, they will believe you.
Society teaches that if you screw up, trust people you had no business trusting, that it's their fault, not yours.

Society, in short, is not trustworthy at all.

Not surprisingly, when students harness their minds, they find that a lot of things which are socially acceptable are the epitome of shallow.
They reject such things and redefine that which is "socially useful."
As well they should.

Problem #4. Why diplomas in Latin?

"I've heard some argue that Latin is on diplomas because it's beautiful and the language of Virgil and Cicero. The sad fact, though, is that diploma Latin is a far cry from Cicero's Latin."

Latin in the wrong hands, like any other language, can be a bludgeoning object of disgust.
English can be atrocious as well.
The vocabulary and syntax of diplomas - regardless of language - is meant to be legalistic.
It grates in any language.

The question is, why Latin?
The answer?
Latin was the language of scholarship well into the 17th century and beyond.
The University movement was founded by theologians who wrote, argued, spoke, etc. in Latin.
The degrees they earned were written in that language.
That universities continue to have their diplomas written in Latin is a lesson in history.
It requires students to wonder and ask the question, Why Latin?
If only for that reason, thank god that some universities continue with the practice.
The practice facilitates the question Why?
And this question is the most facile in helping students harness their brain power.

And for those of you who are intimidated by Latin, do yourself a favor.
Learn Latin.
It is the nervous system, the linguistic spinal cord, of our language.
It will help you do or be whatever you want.

Even if your goal is to be Socially Useful.

Vale atque Ave,

drg

Dear Readers -

I did not write the following tongue in cheek piece.
I wish I had.

"I think we should forget Latin! You know what? You're all wrong, every last one: you [drg], Mr. Francese, and anyone who holds Latin with any smidgen of worth. Emma Willard had the right idea. Drop Latin! Let's write all the diplomas in Chinese instead. (that seems to be the fad language everyone's flocking to these days) In a few years, English will be practically archaic! Why not get ahead of the curve? And besides, Latin is so illegible; Chinese is much clearer!

Speaking of illegible, these days, when one can photoshop a diploma and print it out in the same amount of time as it takes to TiVo "Desperate Housewives," it doesn't matter what you say or in which language you say it, because with the click of a mouse, you can make it seem important. Arial Narrow might make it easy to read, but one of these loopy ones might have more of an effect on whoever happens to be looking at it. The less work, the better, right? Latin text would be too much work, and like I said, Chinese is the language of the future. Now, if I only spoke Chinese... oh well, I’ll just use Rosetta Stone and my handy, reliable online translator.

Annno. Honestly! Who proofread the thing? Did anyone, or was it a nearsighted person (in a half drunk stupor) rushing to get them off to the printer? And I hate to burst the bubble, but if they get the same person to type them up, it won't matter in what language it's written. Most people with a first year knowledge of Latin could spot that. Does any word have three of the same consonants in a row? i thinnnk not. Chinese is harder to mess up! Those characters all look so different and are formed in such a different way from each other!

You should write that "an encyclopedia for every child" part down. I think you have a real winner there. Send it to the president; then diplomas won't need to be written in any language because teachers would be obsolete, and the woman who had her diploma returned wouldn't have a job for which to apply. Just teach them some Chinese and maybe how to make change for a dollar, and they can go off, read the encyclopedia, and get their job at the fast food restaurant of their choice. Problem solved!

A diploma isn't supposed to be an elegy. It's not an epic poem. It's not a Shakespearean sonnet. Heck, it's not even supposed to be eloquent prose. It's a diploma. So, with that logical progression of thoughts, I think..... Chinese."