"So where've you been? And what's wrong with your face?"
"Sporting, isn't it? Only the best education consultants are wearing it."
"No, but seriously. Where have you been?
"In hospital. Getting my left nostril's septum undeviated."
"That would explain the chic gauze moustache. For a second I thought you were the physical manifestation of Drama, strand four."
"I appreciate your imagination. But no. Just got my nose fixed."
"If only fixing the UK curriculum were so easy."
"It's not broken. It's just a matter of understanding how the pieces work together, and which are the central strands. And then how to make those strands powerful."
"Right. I've been thinking about that since you were away, brief though it was."
"Wait. Wasn't this the long Easter week-end?"
"Yes."
"I thought all thinking was generally suspended until after it ended."
"Well, I was bored."
"To tears, apparently. So what did you come up with?"
"To be honest, I think I got myself even more muddled than I was before."
"Well, let's see if we can't remedy that. What does 'Word Recognition' entail? Is it simply a matter of recognizing a word as what it stands for?"
"Could you explain that more?"
"Sure. What does 'cow' mean to you?"
"It's an animal we get drinking milk from."
"Anything else?"
"Beef, too."
"No, I mean, is that all 'cow' means to you?"
"Well, they wear bells, sometimes."
"Okay, wait. Let me rephrase. At its most basic level, what is 'cow'?"
"A mammal?"
"Hold on. This isn't working. Let's take a different approach."
"Please."
"How about this:
'cow, picture, ship, chair, book, grass, foot.'
What do you make of that?'
"They're a bunch of nouns."
"That it?"
"Yes. Just random nouns."
"Nothing else?"
"Well, there are seven of them."
"Fine. Now what about these?
'cows, picture, ships, chair, books, grass, foot.' "
"The same seven random nouns again."
"Random, huh?"
"Oh yes, they seem so to me. But they're the same."
"No changes?"
"Let's see. Actually, now three of them are plural."
"Right. So what about this?
'cows grass.' "
"Still nouns - from that same set. But now only two."
"Do they still seem random?"
"Well...what do you mean?"
"I mean, Do those two nouns placed right next to each other like that have any meaning for you?"
"They seem to."
"Meaning what?"
"Cows and grass seem to go together. But not as you have them, 'Cows grass.'
"What would you do so that they could go together?"
"You'd have to add another word."
"Okay, how about 'cows hills grass.' "
"No, that doesn't help."
"Why not? You said to add another word. 'hills' is another word."
"Yes. But it's the same sort as 'cows' and 'hills'.
"How so?"
"It's another thing."
"So?"
"So you still have to figure out how the first two, 'cows' and 'grass', fit together. If you add only another noun, you've have three things to explain, not just two."
"So what word would you add?"
"Well, first I'd have to ask myself about what 'cows' and 'grass' have to do with one another."
"And what's the answer?"
"Several, actually."
"Do tell."
"Let's see. Cows stand on grass. And they eat it. Yes. That's easiest. I'd add 'eat'."
"Okay, 'cows grass eat'. Right?"
"No. That doesn't look right."
"How about, 'eat cows grass'?"
"That just doesn't make any sense."
"So what would?"
" 'Cows eat grass.' "
"So 'cows' and 'grass' are 'things', and 'eat' isn't?"
"Right."
"What is the technical term for 'things'?
"Uhhh, I think it starts with an 'n'..."
"and ends with an 'n', too."
"I'm not sure..."
"And has '-ou-' in the middle."
"A NOUN!"
"Exactly. So 'cows' and 'grass' are nouns, and 'eat' isn't, right?"
"Right."
"But if 'eat' isn't a noun, what is it?"
"It's the action word."
"What is the action word called? Does it have a specific name?"
"This one I remember. You don't have to spell this one out for me. It's called a verb."
"Excellent."
"You're too kind."
"I'll take your word for it. Now, let's consider your creation:
'Cows eat grass.' "
"Okay."
"Is this a complete thought?"
"What do you mean?"
"Does 'Cows eat grass' convey a complete thought or idea?"
"Does it?"
"What would happen if I put the word 'If' right before 'cows'? Then you'd have 'If cows eat grass'. Does that sound complete?"
"Well, if you added something like, 'then they get fat' it would."
"But by itself?"
"No."
"How about if there's no 'If'? Just plain old 'Cows eat grass'?"
"Yes. That's a complete thought."
"What do we call that? Technically?"
"Hmmmm."
"I'll give you a hint. When a person is convicted of a crime, the judge in the case pronounces....?"
"Sentence! Right, it's a sentence. A sentence is a complete thought. Of course."
"Tremendous. Now, in that sentence, 'Cows eat grass', how is 'Cows' functioning?
"They're doing the eating."
"They're performing the action of the verb?"
"Yes."
"And when a noun is performing the action of a verb, it is functioning in a particular way. It is acting...?"
"on impulse?"
"Inventive, but no. Think technically, again."
"I'm lost."
"Okay. Someone gives a talk on a particular what?"
"Field? Area?"
"Close. Maybe a little narrower?"
"Expertise?"
"No. How about this? All UK nationals are the Queen's..."
"Subjects! Oh, right. Subject."
"Right. The Subject is the noun that does the action of the verb."
"And the verb is the action word that the Subject is doing."
"Also right. So in the sentence 'Cows eat grass'..."
" 'Cows' is the Subject."
"And 'eat'..."
"is what the 'Cows', the Subject, are doing, and is, therefore, the verb!"
"Excellent. Only one word left to account for. How is 'grass' acting in our favorite sentence, 'Cows eat grass'?"
"It's what the Cows eat."
"It's receiving the action of the verb?"
"Yes, I suppose it is."
"What term do we give nouns when, like 'grass', they receive the action of the verb?"
"It's on the tip of my tongue...."
"Okay. Hint: 'Not the Subject of my attention but the...."
"Object!"
"Yes. But because it is directly receiving the action of the verb, we can go one step further and call it the ___________ object."
"Direct! The direct object!"
"Precisely. So, to review:
1. Nouns are things (or persons or places)
2. Nouns can act as subjects, i.e., doers of the action of the verb
3. Nouns can act as Direct Objects (i.e., direct receivers of the
action of the verb)
4. Verbs are action words, i.e., words that denote action performed
by Nouns acting as subjects on nouns acting as direct objects.
Make sense?"
"Yes. But how do we know when a noun is acting as a subject or a direct object?"
"Excellent question. And psychic, too. You have anticipated our next lesson: The Primacy of Word Order. So see you tomorrow."
"Brilliant."